Funny you should ask!

I realize that not everyone lives for tax law; and those of us who do barely understand it I assure you! But this tax season has been fraught with crazy questions!!! So I thought a good way to end the season is to post some of the funny things I have been asked here!

• -My brother died. Can I write off the airfare to go to his funeral? NO. Can I write off his death? NO. Is there some kinda credit I can get for grievance? NO.


• -When I got up in the morning I found that my truck had caught fire and burnt up in the night. Can I write that off? (This included pictures of said truck. And it was burnt to a crisp. Makes you wonder if he was passed out.) NO.


• -I was wondering how I can get some of those credits on my tax return for being unemployed. I hear them on the radio. THERE ARE NO CREDITS FOR BEING UNEMPLOYED. ARE YOU TAKING ABOUT GETTING UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS? Yea, my husband was out of work, and we really need some credits. YOU WILL NEED TO FILE W/ THE STATE FOR UNEMPLOYMENT THEN. Oh, you mean like I have to fill out an application with the state. YES. I already did that and they said no. WELL THEN......


• -Do you happen to have a calculator right there? WHY YES, I'M AN ACCOUNTANT AREN'T I. Great, can you times 86.73 x 12? Because either my computer or my head ain't working right. I just don't know which one. I'm head damaged you know. CLEARLY.


• -Where do I take the deduction for interest and penalties I had to pay the IRS? YOU CAN'T DEDUCT THOSE. Ok, but do I have to claim this interest the IRS paid me? YES. Well then why can't I deduct the interest I pay them? BECAUSE IT'S A CRAPPY SYSTEM.


• -I'm having some trouble with Grey Wolf. GREY WOLVES! WHAT TYPE OF TROUBLE? Well, see my husband works for them.


• -What's the biggest refund you can get me? DEPENDS, HOW BIG DO YOU WANT? A really big one. I CAN PROBABLY GET YOU A FAIRLY NICE REFUND, BUT I WON'T SIGN THE TAX RETURN AND YOU'LL BE THE ONE TO GO TO JAIL.


• -Did you know that IRS agents have really long sharp fangs? WHY YES I DO. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS ONE AND I ALWAYS WEAR GARLIC AROUND MY NECK WHEN WE GET TOGETHER! (That one is for you Suz!)


• -I have a loss on my business this year. But I can't deduct the loss because I have no income. So I was wondering if I could give it to my brother. ONLY IF HE PAYS YOU FOR IT ;) j/k. NO!


• -You know the energy credit that you can get. YES. Can I deduct the new insulating blinds for my house? NO. Well, I keep them closed most of the time so that helps keep the heat in. NO


• -I do not want my refund direct deposited. WHY? YOU'LL GET YOUR MONEY MUCH FASTER. Well, I don't want the IRS to have my checking account number. They might just come and take my money when ever they want to. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, AND BESIDES, IF THEY IRS IS GOING TO TAKE YOUR MONEY THEY DON'T NEED YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER. THEY CAN FIND IT BY OTHER MEANS. (Which at this point, there were comments about the IRS and the KGB by the client).


• -Are you sure I owe $532? I'm just an little old lady that doesn't make any money. How can I owe? YES I'M SURE. IT IS FROM THE MONEY YOU TOOK OUT OF YOUR RETIREMENT. Ok, if you say so I guess I will write Uncle Sam a check. I might as well pay my part of the national debt. (Just a thought, but I don't think $532 will pay for much of it).


• -THIS GUY BRINGS HIS TAX RETURN IN FRIDAY. (ONE WEEK BEFORE THE 15TH). So do you think you'll be able to have my tax return done by next week sweetheart? NO, I WON'T. THERE ARE ABOUT 25 PEOPLE IN FRONT OF YOU. Well, I guess you better start working your butt off. (I HAD JUST FINISHED WORKING OVER 60 HOURS THAT WEEK.) I AM PRETTY SURE I HAVE ALREADY BEEN DOING THAT. YOU'LL BE GETTING AN EXTENTION. NEXT YEAR BRING IT IN BY FEB 1ST.


• -Same day as the guy above. Lady calls in. I was wondering if you'll have time to do my taxes. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE WE DID YOUR 2009 TAXES LAST YEAR. WE THOUGHT YOU WENT TO A DIFFERENT ACCOUNTING FIRM. Oh no. I just had other things to do and didn't get around to filing my 2009 taxes. So can you file them both? I'm an artist. FIGURES.


• -Same day as above. (It was a very long day). I WAS JUST CALLING TO SEE IF YOU'LL BE BRINGING YOUR TAXES IN THIS YEAR. THE 15TH IS NEXT WEEK. Oh my goodness! It is April already? I must be way behind. NO, I GUESS YOU DIDN'T GET THE MEMO THAT THIS YEAR WE SKIPPED FEBRUARY AND MARCH. (Hello!)


• I'M SORRY SIR, YOU DON'T QUALIFY FOR THE MAKING WORK PAY CREDIT. SO YOU'RE REFUND WELL BE $250 LESS THAN YOU THOUGHT. Well, isn't that just like the government to stimulate you and then take it away.

So, you have a tax question you've been dying to ask. Go ahead! Try to make me laugh!!

Since I posted this blog, I had a winner!! Here goes:

-I just had a question for ya'll. This is the first time I've used ya'll services, and I was wondering if you ever enter your work into a computer to double check your figures. NO NEVER. WE BELIEVE IN USING TYPEWRITERS AND AN ABACUS TO CALCULATE YOUR TAXES. THE TAX CODE IS SO EASY TO UNDERSTAND THAT WHY WOULD ANY ONE NEED A COMPUTER? AND THE E-FILE FORM YOU SIGNED? WE DON'T REALLY E-FILE THROUGH A COMPUTER, WE ATTACH YOUR RETURN TO A SNAIL AND SENT IT TO THE IRS THAT WAY!